A Mommy's Resume

I was going through some files on my computer the other day and came across my professional resume. Since having a child, I've decided that I should update the section that lists my job skills. Here's what I think I should add:

• Can change a diaper at 2:04 a.m. in total darkness
• Can identify all matters of stains and suggest proper stain removal solutions (and if those don't work, throw the dern thing in the trash and go on with your life)
• Bilingual (fluent in both English and Toddler)
• Excellent multi-tasker (can feed self with right hand, child with left hand and still manage to slip food to bulldog under the table)
• Works well and remains calm under pressure (because you haven't lived until you've tried to Christmas shop with a toddler who's pitching a royal hissy fit so bad that you think she might actually throw up if she doesn't stop screaming...that pretty much sums up my last voyage to TJ Maxx)

I'd also like to add in there somewhere that I manage to clean the house enough to make sure stuff isn't growing on any surface, provide some form of dinner (and frozen fish sticks count), kiss the husband, kiss the baby, kiss the bulldog (in whatever order is necessary) all while keeping up with a career! I'm just not sure which section of a resume that goes in.